Messing with Discord sounboard:
Arob: Why is my fart not as wet?
All speakers
Arob
248 lines in 223 Aaronisms
Arob: Moskobot keeps bullying me!
Arob: I'm so excited, I get Columbus Day off. I actually get all of the Canadian holidays off.
Walking out of a restaurant:
Arob: I don’t use wet wipes anymore.
Arob: I finally did it! I now know how a bidet works. That strong warm jet stream up my ass hole was epic in the first moment. My eyes widened and I understood this is the way to lessen wipes in the Potomac.
At 9:11 PM:
Arob: Oh shit, I forgot to tell Andy his zipper was down when we left at noon!
Arob: It's not my fault I was born.
Arob: In Asia, when I was learning how to poop...
Arob: I don't even think semen would attach to broccolini.
Arob: I don't like blood; I can't kill anybody.
Arob: Because Egyptians have sand, they don't have football.
Arob: Necrophilia is sex with dead bodies, right? Black and blue, I'm not Egyptian.
During the Fantasy Football draft:
Arob: Who is Joe Burrow? Oh wait, he is a good quarterback.
Arob: *Arrives at the pool with a dish towel*
This can at least cover my private parts which is all you need.
Arob: She played a cello. You know, the wind instrument.
Arob: You need more time to cream it up.
Arob: I would have gotten a perfect score on the SAT if I hadn't changed my answers, I'm telling you guys.
Soccer player A. Robinson makes a pass during a World Cup game
Arob: Wait, I'm black now?
Arob: I have the nips to be a lesbian.
Arob: God has eluded me my entire life.
Arob: This car is too sharp, holy shit!
Arob: What is milk even for?
Arob: I'm not racist; I like Indian food.
Arob: Sydney Sweeney is... doing it for me. If I could just get her to say hi to me, I would happily end my life. Just look at her eyes... they're evil.
Arob: Netflix can't ignore me! I fill out every single survey; paragraphs. I even give them feedback on why their surveys are bad.
Arob: Yeah my tongue was out a lot last night and I'm not sure why.
Arob: If there is a pool, I'm cannonballing in. Unless that's not allowed, then I'm just dipping my toe in... And only the first toe, but half a nail.
Arob: I feel like a bubble pancake priming to rise.
Arob: It's a horizontal scale, just like the earth.
Arob: Forget like 9/11 didn't happen, just like Iran wants us to.
Arob: We’re centralizing our Morphers to stun by combining the Z zord to fight Frieza.
Arob: Cockroaches come up the toilet, but everything goes down the toilet.
Arob: At NASA there aren't any emotions, just science. Except if someone dies, then there are emotions.
Arob: Guys, I think I learned about eggs wrong. I thought they would eventually just hatch in the fridge.
Arob: I need to brush up on [the] origins of this god forsaken existence
[ Press WASD to move the camera ]
Arob: Whazduh?
Arob: If I can't pretend to be Harry Potter then why even live?
Arob: I had two slices of pizza today and I'm pretty sure my poop turned orange.
Arob: Do you see the hamburger triangle?
Arob: What's that Molotov cocktail thing where you throw it and there's fire?
Seth, Markoff, and Staub (in unison): A Molotov cocktail...
Arob: I'm not racist, I'm just high.
Arob: I should know about second degree burns; I have had one on my dick.
Arob: Look at those Homer Simpson squirrel mother fuckers! They ain't no otters!
Arob: Yeah, mochi! You gotta pound that shit hard!
Arob: Once you have glass anal beads, you can't go back.
Fleishman: I feel like you say whatever comes to your mind.
Arob: Absolutely. Freedom of speech, bitch!
Arob: Hey, if someone threw a $20 at me for showing my nipple, I'd do it.
Arob: Gooch? I thought that was a female thing!
Arob: I'm a botanist.
Fleishman: You're a gardener, not a botanist. I don't think you know what that word means.
Arob: Botanist - it's when you have more than 5 plants.
Arob: I like the leaves here, they have more veins.
Arob: (Deadly serious) Did you guys MapQuest this?
Arob: I gave Robertson his first blowjob.
Arob: I didn't know there were fish in the Great Lakes.
Arob: I need to avoid up-the-ass jokes.
Arob: Did you know Halloween is on Friday the 13th this year?
Arob: At least it was circumcised. I appreciated that.
Arob: Flaccid to cum in 7 seconds flat. There was a dick Olympics and I won gold. That's why there's a stopwatch with 7 seconds on it.
Arob: Wait, you guys don't shave your dick hole?
Arob: Fuck him with a spoon in the ass
Arob: Well, you know what they say: It's a small group of idiots leading the blind.
Arob: 7 = 10 in universe seven.
Arob: You just breathe them in and then you go boom boom boom.
Arob: Again, I am not P. Diddy. I'll say it to a judge.
Arob: Ball care is self care.
Arob: Why, because there was sexual assault against an onion? Come on!
Arob: I finger banged the shit out of that.
Arob: I am in a galactic odyssey right now. These shrooms are strong... I'm trying tho.
Arob: I swear, if they're out of Fleshlights, I'm gonna be really pissed.
Talking about Dune 2:
Arob: It has Spiderman's girlfriend in it. And the curly-haired guy... Mr. Champagne.
Arob: Usually I'm wrong by default. That's what happened with the SATs.
Arob: Well you know what they say about Maine. There's oxygen everywhere .
Arob: We got them sideways trees. We got Big Yellow in the sky... No caribou fucking up to the car. We're not in Pennsylvania anymore, Dorothy!
Arob: Those pictures of the field were beautiful. I'm glad I pissed on that graffiti rock.
Arob: I have Japan on my ass!
Arob: You know what they say. You can't start the day until you get your semen out.
Arob: *Takes a sip of espresso*
Had I known the shot would be like God's diarrhea...
Arob: Hey at least we all took shits. So we're all ready to go.
Arob: What if I have to wipe and I'm part of a difficult conversation?
Completely randomly:
Arob: Does your nipple ever bleed?
Arob: Guys... We should be doing ball keggles [sic] to make sure our balls don't sag
Yeah we're supposed to pull the balls down and hold our pee. Three sets of ten
Arob: I can listen while I'm blind. I'm like Hellen Keller's brother.
Arob: That's Carmen Sandiego. By the way, I never found that bitch.
Arob: I was in the b hole huh? Kinda like a k-hole
Arob: Save toilet paper at least but need new pants and underwear 😂😂
Arob: *Reads this TIFU post*
The brother probably was on his way to see Korn at bonaroo 2023 😂😂😂
Arob: *Orders a cheese plate from a restaurant*
I got fromage, whatever that is.
Arob: Jimmy Fallon doesn't have nipples like mine... I'm going to go on Jimmy Fallon and have a nipple measuring contest.
Arob: Mars is a lie. Do you want to lose your eyes?
Arob: *Taking a picture of Seth*
Wait, do that tongue thing again.
Arob: I'm left-handed in real life.
Arob: Cleveland Steamer? My family is from Cleveland and they don't have seafood.
Arob: I'm their [Seth's & Staub's] boyfriends too. But I'm not on the bottom.
Arob: Are babies born with nipples?
Arob: Yo, can we get a double chocolate fudge cloudy bag?
"What does it mean to be deaf?
Arob: Well, it depends on how you spell it.
Arob: *Tries on Markoff's glasses*
Markoff, is this what your eyeballs work like?
Arob: Where's the section for jacking off?
Watching Jurassic World:
Arob: What the hell is this Free Willy with dinosaurs shit? Oh there's Star Lord!
...
Good job sweating, Chris Pratt.
...
Is this a dinosaur petting zoo? That can't be a good idea. That dinosaur looks so angry... I hope they have good health insurance coverage for these employees.
Arob: I like brick buildings man, we learned a lot from the three little pigs. You don't want a straw house...
Watching Family Feud:
Arob: Yay! Jumping, clapping!
Watching America Says: "A good burglar always wears gloves"
Arob: A good burglar would have burned his fingertips off first.
Arob: What's the Gluck Gluck 9000?
Talking about the banana story:
Arob: Guys... fruitporn.com
Talking about the "sponge years" Aaronism (October 22, 2022)
Arob: Sponge years run on a completely different math.
Giving Cory a piggyback ride:
Arob: Your ass is not in the same place it used to be.
Arob: What the fuck, SpongeBob is 50?! Oh never mind, that's in sponge years.
Arob: It's not my fault there's all this mahogany here!
Arob: Dude you are fucking hit it.
Talking about previous relationships:
Arob: I had a 5-footer before.
[Ambulance drives by]
Arob: Somebody had heartburn and is in that ambulance.
Talking about his date being the same height as him and not having to bend down to hug her:
Arob: I could smell her hair, it was weird.
Talking about a friend going to Napa, California:
Arob: Yep, they're going to cabbage.
Arob: Who hasn't jerked off in a bottle?
Arob: I can't do that, I have a jaw problem from the last time. The banana was too ripe last time.
Completely out of the blue, no context:
Arob: Yeah, I should have fucked that girl on prom night.
Arob: They would break me like a grilled cheese.
Recommending hiccup remedies:
Arob: I was always told to hold my breath until I pass out.
Arob: Alexa, what's my THC level?
Asking about mushroom chocolates:
Arob: Will I instantaneously start shitting myself?
Arob: That burger from Dick's had too much dick in it.
Arob: *Shows his nipple in a restaurant*
Shit, now I've broken the law!
Arob: Yeah yeah, just the tip. That's what they all want - just the tip.
Arob: Yeah yeah, just the tip. That's what they all want - just the tip.
Arob: It's a miracle my dick works anymore.
Arob: I shared the Aaronisms site with my cousins, and again, the lesbians were not happy.
Arob: I got creamed and the lesbians ripped me to shreds.
Talking about his hotel in Denver:
Arob: I swear I was ten thousand square feet up in the air!
Arob: I can't wait to have my banana done like that.
Arob: Fuck SOHCAHTOA. I'll suck on your toe-ah! That's why the guy made that acronym - he was a foot fetisher.
Arob: I want to learn how to regrow a limb!
Arob: Do cats have feelings?
Arob: I'm not good at psychological warfare, but I keep having dreams about killing Putin.
Talking about Abraham Lincoln:
Arob: I''ll bet he had a big dick. That hat must have been hiding something!
Arob: *Gets McDonald's for lunch*
A short while later, talking about losing weight:
I'm down 17 pounds! Plus 2 for McDonald's.
After watching the Moonfall trailer:
Arob: She was upset that they removed the scene of her fucking the moon.
Watching Star Wars Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back:
Arob: Did you know that thing is called a wampa? Any relation to Oompa Loompas?
Talking about trick-or-treaters:
Arob: My perimeter is going to be breached tonight.
"I can't believe he asked if alligators were going to be a concern at Bonaroo."
Arob: It's a valid question!
After the wind blew food onto his shirt:
Arob: I literally got fucked by the wind.
Arob: I take a rip before bed, it's like getting knocked out by Rocky Balboa.
Arob: I don't mind if I get messy.
Looking at some plants:
Arob: Are these gonna bite me?
After sitting on a wet spot on the couch:
Arob: My butt is a little wet - it's the right cheek.
Arob: Oh God, it's so big! Why?! It looks like a big tree out west!
Watching Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives:
Arob: I'd eat that... unfortunately.
Arob: I've never caught an ice cream truck before. Well in my dreams, I have.
After sleeping in the same bed for three nights:
Arob: Wait, there's a sheet on this bed?!
Arob: Do you know how many dicks I've seen? I went to a boys' camp!
Arob: I just poured a little beer on my foot and it stopped hurting!
Arob: If you keep rolling that, I'm going to smack it.
Arob: I'm PC, but it's okay though - we're in Texas.
Arob: Wait, are there bugs in Texas?
Arob: I don't want a round-two banana party!
After seeing this site:
Arob: Now I'll never become president!
Arob: What is that, a mushroom cock?
Arob: You've got your dick and your balls - there's a lot going on down there.
Arob: I have an MBA now, so I need to be more strategic.
Referring to his leaf blower:
Arob: It has 650 horsepower.
Arob: Santa Claus hates Jews. I've never received any presents.
Arob: There were three vibrations in my pants... Oh, one of them is just from Joe Biden.
Arob: You may have to eat an orange; I had a banana.
Arob: The food was dark black and hardened like Zeus's cock.
"You're stealing his thunder."
Arob: What thunder? We're inside!
Arob: I want to be an arrow.
Arob: Wait... Is That Kanye West, the lead singer of the Black Eyed Peas?
Arob: Clay Aiken would be a better halftime show.
Arob: Make me a water.
Arob: Wait, he is deaf? So he legit can't see?
"I will punch you in the temple."
Arob: I don't own a temple!
Arob: If he kills himself, I win. It's a win-win situation... Wait. I win one way.
Arob: How do you spell banana? B-A-N-A?
Arob: Excuse me, but Egypt is right next to Siberia.
Arob: Nova is a city in Virginia, right?
Arob: How am I a pedophile? I work at a boys' sleep away camp!
Arob: Ke$ha isn't real! These lyrics don't mean anything! You know what's real? RAPE! RAPE IS REAL!